One of many...

Today has been a great day for both Raya and Steph. Yesterday the lactation consultant came in and was an amazing help and encouragement for both of us, but more importantly Stephanie. Her instructions and tips were very helpful and as of today, even the rest of yesterday, led to some very successful nursing times.

We are very thankful for all of the prayer and support that we have been getting from so many people that I would run out of space on my blog if I named them. The photographer came in today and had an opportunity to snap a few shots of our beautiful daughter. One of the many that was taken is up on the MGH website. Enjoy and we will share many more through our Facebook pages.

Phil, Steph & Raya

A new addition for the Stuller's

Well I know that I just posted this morning but I have some great news from the Stuller family. It's hard to believe that my daughter went from this.



To this in such a short amount of time!!



She is one happy healthy baby girl born on August 26th 2009 @ 6:34pm, she weighed 6lbs. 10 oz. and measured at 20 inches of pure beauty. Thanks to everyone for all the support in prayer, and kind words.

Phil, Steph & Raya Nicole

Hospital and Inducing

Well it is official that we are at the hospital here in Marion, IN as of last night at about 5:15pm. Steph had a doctors appointment yesterday late afternoon. At the appointment her blood pressure was unsafely elevated, approx. 160/100. Our doctor felt that it was safer due to Steph already being term to just induce labor, rather than risk Pre-Eclampsia. So...

After getting her to the hospital we were taken to a labor and delivery room, and informed of the procedures that were going to take place in the next few hours. Around 7:30pm or so Cervidil was given to Steph to help move along the process and soften her cervix. This was left on for the whole evening until about 5am.

Finally this morning Steph was put on Petocin to encourage her contractions to be more regular and healthy. This is good and bad, on one hand we are getting closer to meeting our little girl, but Steph's contractions are starting to hurt and be more regular. As you can tell by my horrible grammar this morning and sentence/paragraph structure I am tired as well. I got here right after 10 hours of work and only got about 4-5 hours of sleep, not good sleep by any means, because of the nurses coming in and out as needed, oh well though I have some great friends that blessed me with 2 4packs of double shots. Well nurse is in, got to go, keep us in your prayers.

Phil

Long time...restart...again

Well today, after I started my new job this week at the Dollar General Distribution Center here in Marion, was my first Saturday off. The DC runs at 6 days a week because of the increase of customers shopping and discount stores due to the recession. So after getting 10 hours of sleep, we went for a walk and then decided to go get some Starbucks and go to the park in Marion. The weather today was amazing for this, with it feeling like the first day of fall. It called for my first Peppermint Mocha since February, easily.

At the Park we decided to walk around, taking some breaks because of Stephanie having contractions, obviously she's not in labor, but no baby yet, at least not outside of her. During our visit to the park I noticed some very out of place cement slabs that had been poured all over the park, and I couldn't figure out what their purpose was at those spots. A few minutes later I was reminiscing and talking about how Mater Park would be an amazing park for a Disc Golf course. Low and behold 3-5 minutes after that statement Stephanie pointed to something that looked odd to her.

A Disc Golf Basket!!!

I was so excited about this especially because I and my friends from college used to go at least 3 times a week while we were supposed to be in RA training and all that important stuff we were "required" to be at. A couple times our RD even went...probably shouldn't share that...oh well. But nonetheless I was extremely excited for something like this to be in Marion, IN. I will definitely be putting this to good use, and was glad to see many people already doing so, what a surprise.

On a side note while we were there and while Steph was resting I decided to take a quick picture of her for the fun of it, and boy is she gorgeous.

5 days from the due date!

I and Stephanie hope to be more regular with this Blog especially since we are going through so much excitement and so many changes. Keep us in your prayers.

$450 BILLION

So I realize that it has been forever since I have posted anything my bad...oh well it is just a blog. Last night I preached a message about Christian Consumerism, that was especially focused at our spending habits and trends around the Christmas season. It was interesting and fun to talk about, more fun for me and interesting because some of the reactions on peoples faces when I would read statistics were priceless, jaw dropping kind of reactions. Here are some of those stats, most of which I borrowed from Rob Bell's new book Jesus Wants to Save Christians.

America controls nearly 20% of the worlds wealth, while only comprising 5% of the worlds population.

One billion people in the world lack access to clean water while Americans use 400-600 liters (105-157gallons) of water per day.

Every seven seconds, somewhere in the world a child under the age of five dies of hunger, meanwhile Americans throw away 14% of the food that we purchase.

40% of the people in the world lack basic sanitation while Americans dispose of 49 million diapers a day.

One in seven children (about 158 million) has to go to work each day to survive.

Americans spend more annually on trash bags than half of the world does on all goods.

A stat from Advent Conspiracy.

Americans spend $450 billion on Christmas.

Some more stats that I shared last night to show what $450 billion could accomplish.

Population of Earth Approx. 6 Billion

The majority of the world lives on $2/day

Approx. $60/month

If the every human made $2/day in a month that would be $360 billion.

THAT IS STILL LESS THAN WHAT AMERICANS SPENDS ON CHRISTMAS

$450 Billion would do what

It could...

Repair nearly 3.5 billion wells in the world @ $130/well

Drill over 128million wells subsequently providing clean water for 89 billion people year round.

Sponsor 1.25 billion children for a year

Sponsor 45 billion malnourished children in a feeding clinic for 3 months

Provide a cow for 900 million families, who then pass the offspring to another family

This year Steph and I decided to spend less on gifts and give our money where it could actually be used. So somewhere in the world, for $130, a well is going to be repaired providing a community with clean water, lowering the risk of disease and death because they have clean water. Interested? Check out World Hope International, Samaritans Purse, The Heifer Project, or you could go to your local shelter or mission and give them money to help them at one of their busiest times. As Americans and more importantly as Christ Followers we need to realize the futility of the gifts that we give and their uselessness and what that money could have been used for instead.

Resignation Letter

I read this letter to the church congregation this morning @ 10:15...it wasn't easy.

Dear Church Family,

Over the past two and a half years here at Brookhaven Wesleyan Church we have struggled together, we have grown together, we have triumphed together, and we have worshiped together. In this time Stephanie and I have been more than welcomed by you, looking back it was something that she and I never expected being a new couple in ministry. Stephanie and I have cried with you and mourned the losses of loved ones, just as you have so recently with us.

We entered into this position 2 years ago with a great calling on our hearts to serve here, but also a calling for missions overseas. This is a calling that cannot be tossed to the wayside in our life. You have heard me speak on the importance of listening to the voice of God in our life and this is where His voice is calling. Our time here has been one of great love, and there are relationships that we formed here with this church family that we will never forget.

At this point He is calling me back to school to better equip me for the future ministry that he has intended for Stephanie and me. We will be moving to Deerfield, IL where Trinity Evangelical Divinity School is located, while there I will begin studying for my Master of Divinity and upon completion of that, move onto Doctoral studies. This is an emotional time for us, as we have never resigned from a church let alone moved to a completely new state where we know no one.

In light of this my ministry here will not end until the time I turn in my keys and we say our final goodbyes. Our goal for moving is tentatively set between April and July, all because we will have to sell our home and we do not know how soon it will sell. This is of course something that must be surrendered in prayer to God. We ask that as we make this transition and change in our life that you would join with us in prayer for a few issues. We would ask that you would pray for the selling of our house to go smoothly and quickly, pray also for the packing and moving process, pray also for job opportunities for Stephanie as we move to a new area, but most importantly pray that the Holy Spirit would be our guide and our leader in this endeavor, and that we would always heed his voice and not treat it as every other voice that we hear, but as sacred.

In Him,

Phil & Stephanie Stuller

Politics

Recently things have been more annoying to me than anything ever before when it comes to politics. I don't exactly know what it is that makes this campaign drudgery seem worse than all the years before...maybe it is because I am more mature and have stronger beliefs than previous years, I don't know.

One thing I do know is that the most annoying thing of this election year is the way that the convictions of both candidates are being portrayed as wrong. I call them convictions because that is where our beliefs stem from in this world. I am so annoyed/outraged by the way that we go around and talk about our convictions like they are Gospel and everyone must follow the exact same path. Since when are the convictions of one person the convictions of a whole community, I wish I knew, because last I checked people didn't call Mother Teresa wrong for wanting to help the dying, orphaned and diseased in India because she didn't want to fight a war but rather live out an example of love and peace. At the same time nobody called Gen. Douglas Macarthur wrong when he promised to return and save the lives of the people in the Philippines because he would rather protect and provide safety he thought everyone deserved. We today aren't just calling another person’s conviction wrong; we paint them out to be the devil, how very interesting.

I recently read an article in Relevant Magazine that everyone should read. It is the article advertised on the front cover, called How to Vote without Losing Your Soul. To sum it up, but even though I do this you need to read it, the article talks with two Christian leaders of today and it is interesting that both of them come to the conclusion that we should vote for our convictions that God has placed on our heart. I'll leave it at that, for that is what I will do this year.

Ever want to own an island?

Well here is your chance there apparently are hundreds of islands across the world trying to be sold. Johnny Depp bought his own island in the Caribbean (apparently fell in love with the area), and now he is turning it into every environmentalists dream. Take a gander, just make sure to buy me one.

Who said they were extinct

I just saw this video after following a link from RelevantMagazine.com, it is pretty amazing. The video was taken at the LA Museum of Natural History. You just have to watch this. Crazy museum curators.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

I don't know how many of you have ever heard of this movie, but I once watched the old black and white version with my dad when we lived in Kansas. He had the summer off from his other job and once and a while we would go to the library and get a movie and The Day the Earth Stood Still happened to be one of those movies. It was confusing and yet at the same time intriguing to me, and this summer is actually what likely started me loving movies, because I watched a lot with my dad.

Well now they are in the finishing stages of a remake of this classic movie, thankfully not in B&W. I literally just watched this Trailer. It looks like it is shaping up to be a great movie.

Life and Death

Life is a very interesting "creature" when you sit back and think about the way God put this system in to place and in motion. Whenever I watch channels like Animal Planet or Discovery, I always get a good chuckle and find myself wondering why God named things the way he did. For example the Aardvark. First of all look at the animal, if you don't think that animal looks a little funny and a little weird all at the same time. If you don't think any of that don't worry about it I'm probably the weird one here (no comment needed).

Then look at humans and our lives, and our existence for that matter. I find it very peculiar the way our bodies are created and our continuing growth. At this point in her life my niece is having problems with her ankle bones and the way they are forming. Interestingly enough the doctors were able to take care of the problem by putting a cast on her leg that forces her ankle to be shaped a certain way. How crazy is that? God in his foresight knew that bones could be fixed at their early stages of development because they are still soft and somewhat pliable.

Something I have thought of before, but has recently been coming up even more in my thoughts. The way we die is very interesting. I wonder why our bodies must stop working the way they do. I have been the on-call chaplain at the hospital here in Marion multiple times, seeing a person die and leave this life. Why couldn't our death just be like Enoch's or Elisha's. I wonder what our deaths would have looked like without sin in the world. In all reality death, while painful, is a beautiful aspect of our existence in this life. No pain, no suffering, no sorrow in the arms of Christ. So why do we die the way we do?...

Onward

Today is officially my first day back in the office after Steph's miscarriage. I don't really know what exactly to do here, granted today is a Food Pantry pick-up day so I just have to wait on people to come in and I get to hand out food. This is obvious but I am definitely getting back up to speed quicker than Steph is, this is not to say I don't care, it is just that I'm a guy and I didn't have to carry our child inside of me for 11 weeks only to bleed him/her all out in the bathroom.

Sometimes I wonder if my life being shaped so significantly by my dad's death when I was 14 was a hindrance more than a help for me and those around me. I not only have a bit of a callous over my heart because I have seen death firsthand and continue to see it as volunteer chaplain at MGH, but deep down inside of me things like this don't hurt like they used to 10 years ago. This being my child that has died, I am in a completely different situation than ever before in my life. There was nothing I could fix, nothing I could figure out what went wrong, nothing I could do to change any of this.

John Eldredge wrote a book called Waking the Dead, I haven't actually read all of this book yet, but desire too soon. I receive on a daily basis emails from Eldredge's Ransomed Heart Ministry, and one of the quoted this book and here is what I read.

The mind takes in and processes information. But it remains, for the most part, indifferent. It is your mind that tells you it is now 2:00 A.M. and your daughter has not returned, for the car is not in the driveway. Your heart wrestles with whether or not this is cause for worry. The heart lives in the far more bloody and magnificent realities of living and dying and loving and hating. That’s why those who live from their minds are detached from life. Things don’t seem to touch them very much; they puzzle at the way others are so affected by life, and they conclude others are emotional and unstable. Meanwhile, those who live from the heart find those who live from the mind . . . unavailable. Yes, they are physically present. So is your computer. This is the sorrow of many marriages, and the number one disappointment of children who feel entirely missed or misunderstood by their parents.

Yes, the heart is the source of our emotions. But we have equated the heart with emotion, and put it away for a messy and even dangerous guide. No doubt, many people have made a wreck of their lives by following an emotion without stopping to consider whether it was a good idea to do so. Neither adultery nor murder is a rational act. But equating the heart with emotion is the same nonsense as saying that love is a feeling. Surely, we know that love is more than feeling loving; for if Christ had followed his emotions, he would not have gone to the cross for us. Like any man would have been, he was afraid; in fact, he knew that the sins of the world would be laid upon him, and so he had even greater cause for hesitation (Mark 14:32–35). But in the hour of his greatest trial, his love overcame his fear of what loving would cost him.

Emotions are the voice of the heart, to borrow Chip Dodd’s phrase. Not the heart, but its voice.

Waking the Dead , 41-42)

Pain, Suffering, Confusion and all the other emotions

Weird title huh? Well I have had the week of my life that I never saw coming. I volunteered my time down at the Campgrounds for Sr. High camp this week as night security from 3am to 7am, and then whatever else they needed. Needless to say that completely wore me out and made me feel 30 years older overnight.

Another event going on was even more tiring. This week we went to the doctor to hear the heartbeat of our child growing in Steph. We were both extremely excited about this and exhausted because of the anticipation. While there they were unable to find the heartbeat, which was not uncommon for only being 10 weeks almost 11. That being the case the doc wanted to perform an ultrasound on Steph (both external and internal). Sadly he wasn't able to find any sign of our child. Today it was made official that Stephanie's body is in the process of a miscarriage. We would really covet your prayers at this time for what we are going through. The worse part about this is not being able to know what caused it and how to avoid this in the future. It is very interesting how important closure appears to feel.

At the same time we are comforted by the fact that our little child (he/she) is in Heaven with no pain, no bruises, hurts, sorrow. This is something I was so looking forward to in my life, to be a father and raise a child. I am so sad

Father's Day

How typical of me to post about Father's Day the day after. How typical. Rather than you thinking that this is a post about what happened and how happy I was on Father's Day, well this isn't. This also isn't my attempt at bashing everybody that did post about what they did on Father's Day.
Honestly this being my "first" Father's Day (yes if you didn't now Stephanie and I are expecting a child on or around Jan. 15th 2009, she is doing great as possible with all the tiredness and nausea) I wasn't all that excited about this day. I'm not exactly the most sentimental person in the world, surprise, surprise. I really don't like the attention or recognition for something that should be expected from a man, especially a Christian man. Yet it would have almost felt wrong to stand up when the fathers were applauded.

Maybe there is more to this. As I sat there and applauded all the fathers that were there I wondered if I actually should have stood up for a couple of reasons. One because I technically am a father, my child has not been born yet, but I believe is actually alive and has a beating heart and has been alive since conception whenever that really was. Two because of that fact that my child is alive and growing and causing Steph to be extremely tired at all hours of the day, does my not standing make it look like I don't believe my child is alive. The conclusions that I have come to could be boiled all down to one phrase that is almost a motto for me and I say to a lot of people, "It doesn't matter what people think of me". Maybe you think that is harsh but I don't, nonetheless I don't really know 100% why I didn't stand up.

In reality it could have very well been that I doubt whether or not I am even enough of a man to raise a boy in to a man, let alone a girl in to a woman. I realize all the lovey dovey cliches we have like God equips the called, and God wouldn't allow us to be tested beyond our strength. Well that is all well and good but it doesn't change the fact that I haven't had a father for the past 10 years this September, and I don't have that guidance from him that would be so amazing to have especially at this time in my life. So why didn't I stand up?

Relevant Podcast

If any of you know me I am an avid reader of Relevant Magazine, as well as a dedicated listener to their podcast. How fascinating? Every week on the podcast they have a segment called Editorial question of the week. On the May 23rd episode they asked for people to write in about past movies that would be great to have another sequel for, so I wrote in and if you want to hear what I emailed in listen to the May 30th Podcast at about 49:40 into the podcast, or 7:12 left in the podcast. Enjoy. If you don't have iTunes you could listen at Relevant's website.

Peace by way of war...

We had a great Memorial Day weekend. We were able to head up to Holland, MI and spend some time with family, relax, Steph shopped of course, and we also went to a wedding of a good friend. While we were there we of course went to church and of course this is exactly what this post is about...would you expect anything else from me?

First off before I say anything else let me say this. I am in full support of our troops even though I don't completely agree with what is going on overseas. Nonetheless I support them, I have many friends in the service, a best friend from high school, a cousin, and my father was in the Navy. I have no problem with caring for, supporting through prayer and helping our troops in any way that I could. Some people might mark me as a pacifist wimp, and a few years ago I would have told them to come and say it to my face, but things have changed inside of me. Although I still have a fighting streak in me.

...Back to church.

Whenever we are up there we attend my wife's former home church, Central Wesleyan. I almost always enjoy this churches services it is a great time for me to relax go to church and actually worship without having to work. Well this time it was even harder than usual for me to sit through service. It of course was Memorial day weekend and as with 99% of churches in America they honored the veterans and prayed for the deceased soldiers of past and present wars. I really like that, especially being that both of my grandfathers were in WWII, and my father and uncles in Vietnam.

What I don't like is what happened next. After honoring the soldiers and veterans the service moved right in to Praise and Worship. The very first song that we sang was about God's Love and Mercy for us and the world. Next was a song that I don't remember the name, but the song was about God's strength and how He is coming with a Sword and shield with Judgment. Now I realize that God ordained wars in this world during the time of Moses, Joshua, David and many other leaders of Israel. I have a problem with us singing songs like this especially on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, this has the problem of conjuring up the ideas that the Wesleyan Church supports war and destruction, when in reality and historically we were peaceful and passive. If we weren't then likely there would have been a lot of killing during the years when we fought against slavery and then even more during the prohibition.

I really struggle with our Christianity especially when it comes down to God, love and war. How much of a misunderstand of Christ's mission is this. We are to be a community of believers dedicated to love. Biblically the word Christ used in John 15:10 while speaking about love was the word Agape, many other times Christ uses the word Agapao when speaking to the disciples about love of each other. More importantly is the meaning of Agape, it is not only love, but one of sacrifice, not only out of charity; while agapao is a deeper and more radical love. SO...what are we supposed to do about this, we come to church and pray and support our troops which is all great and lovely (something of which I wonder how became a tradition?!), but when we walk our Christian lives with two faces, speaking of love and charity of mankind willing to give everything we have because we love to help people but then, we feel it necessary to go and blow someones head off. Out of Love? Derek Webb has a song on his Mockingbird Album, My Enemies are men Like me. There is a great couple of lines in this song, words that really should make you think.

Peace by way of war
Is like purity by way of fornication
It’s like telling someone murder is wrong
And then showing them by way of execution

So as I see it, as a body of Christian believers we have a big question to answer here, while we recognize that God did ordain wars 3,000 years ago, he did it out of love and a desire for mankind to know Him. We cannot ignore Jesus' words in the New Testament, and his desire to draw all people's unto Him.

Love Excluding Sin...

Recently I was required to do some reading and writing that had to deal with lots of history and theology of the Wesleyan church. All of this for the purpose of my upcoming ordination in July, assuming that I don't enrage the interview board. During this reading I came across something that was rather interesting to me and bothered me at the same time. While reading the section of the discipline on the history of the Wesleyan church I came across this statement.

"The first national camp meeting, which developed into the National Holiness Association, was held in 1867. The revival led to the establishment of several new holiness denominations and to
the renewing and redirecting of others. This spiritual revival, promoted vigorously by a corps of itinerant evangelists, soon established holiness as the major tenet of the Wesleyan Methodist Connection, which had formerly majored on social and political reform."

You are probably wondering what's wrong with this statement. Well if you didn't catch it the quote states that the Wesleyan church after a revival moved it's focus from Social Justices and Political Reform to Holiness Evangelism.
The problem that I have with this might be pretty straight forward if you know me, but why in the world would we or how could we change our focus from social injustices and political reform to Holiness Evangelism. Now I am not saying that Holiness is a bad thing or something to be shoved off to the side. I plainly believe that when this happened the point of Scripture was missed and became incomplete in our Wesleyan minds. John Wesley himself said Holiness is, "Love excluding sin...Love filling up the heart and taking up the whole capacity of the soul...For as long as love takes up the whole heart, what room is there for sin therein." Not only did Wesley describe Holiness as this, but in Scripture we see Jesus describe the two greatest commandments as this, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."
Did you catch that? Not only is Holiness loving God with all that we are, but "equally important" is our love for our neighbor. Realize that in this world we were put here to be an advocate for God and not only that a believer above reproach, but we were not put here to only concentrate on our Holiness or our time of devotions. Our life as believers is meant to be lived out in this world and in front of people to be an example of the love of Christ, not a picture of a Holier than Thou God that strikes those that aren't Holy.
Maybe I am too critical about the words that I read but I truly believe that while Holiness is important, I believe that we concentrate on it too much and have missed the point of Jesus putting us where we are in this world to speak love in to the lives of those that we come in contact with everyday. Maybe I need a vacation.

Music

I'm the kind of person that really loves to listen to music, performing is definitely not my thing, thankfully, I would likely be shunned if people heard my voice. Anyway, lately I have been listening to a lot of harder Christian Rock, what most people would say can't be Christian because they don't sound like Michael W. Smith, or The Gaithers, and they don't have a suit and tie on. Or my pet peeve is "they don't preserve their bodies as God's temple" because they have tattoos, and supposedly that is in the Bible somewhere, or the greatest is that because they are screaming or sound angry they can't be glorifying or worshiping God. Read the Bible God himself gets so outrageously angry with mankind. Enough venting. Here are the lyrics to a song that I have been listening to quite a bit, and I really love it. Here are the lyrics, and here is the link to their myspace page which has the song for you to listen as you read. Enjoy.

Preaching

You know I love to preach and love to share some of the knowledge that I glean from Scripture throughout my studies during the week. I have preached some real doozies and I have also preached some easier messages. There are times that I wonder if preaching is what I am actually supposed to be doing for my ministry. A lot of this could be the devil, but at the same time I wonder that even though I love to preach, I am not that great of a communicator. There are also times when I just want to get up and preach until my voice fails and not care at all what people would say or think about the things I would say knowing full well that they are from Scripture in my heart.
There is one inherent problem with preaching, whether it be on a regular basis or more of a spread out schedule. When I preach I always feel more of a disconnect that is built up between me and the people that I am trying to teach/preach to. I have noticed this with other preachers too, and especially remember this in my father. Sometimes I don't wonder if the strong desire of preaching a message to challenge people, at the very same time pushes some away. It is also very possible the people that are feeling challenged by God through the preacher a disconnect of, lets say conviction forms for whatever reason.
I don't believe this is a new problem that I am experiencing. Looking back through all the people that have been preachers/priest/prophets/disciples/more importantly Jesus, they all went through dealing with issues that appear to relate to what I am feeling. Moses felt this with his very own sister and brother. Prophets on countless occasions were persecuted for what they were saying FOR GOD by their own people. Jesus was ridiculed, and rejected by the very people that likely helped raise him in Nazareth, due to the closeness of their culture.
So maybe my problem isn't actually a problem necessarily. I wonder in some form or another if a closeness to people can be hindering in a sense. Only in the way that it would stop a minister from actually speaking God's word in fear of hurting feelings, or actually causing conviction to become an issue for people.

Crazy

So I have heard of some crazy amusement park rides and been on some crazy ones myself, but this video takes the cake. WOW

Here is the link