Father's Day

How typical of me to post about Father's Day the day after. How typical. Rather than you thinking that this is a post about what happened and how happy I was on Father's Day, well this isn't. This also isn't my attempt at bashing everybody that did post about what they did on Father's Day.
Honestly this being my "first" Father's Day (yes if you didn't now Stephanie and I are expecting a child on or around Jan. 15th 2009, she is doing great as possible with all the tiredness and nausea) I wasn't all that excited about this day. I'm not exactly the most sentimental person in the world, surprise, surprise. I really don't like the attention or recognition for something that should be expected from a man, especially a Christian man. Yet it would have almost felt wrong to stand up when the fathers were applauded.

Maybe there is more to this. As I sat there and applauded all the fathers that were there I wondered if I actually should have stood up for a couple of reasons. One because I technically am a father, my child has not been born yet, but I believe is actually alive and has a beating heart and has been alive since conception whenever that really was. Two because of that fact that my child is alive and growing and causing Steph to be extremely tired at all hours of the day, does my not standing make it look like I don't believe my child is alive. The conclusions that I have come to could be boiled all down to one phrase that is almost a motto for me and I say to a lot of people, "It doesn't matter what people think of me". Maybe you think that is harsh but I don't, nonetheless I don't really know 100% why I didn't stand up.

In reality it could have very well been that I doubt whether or not I am even enough of a man to raise a boy in to a man, let alone a girl in to a woman. I realize all the lovey dovey cliches we have like God equips the called, and God wouldn't allow us to be tested beyond our strength. Well that is all well and good but it doesn't change the fact that I haven't had a father for the past 10 years this September, and I don't have that guidance from him that would be so amazing to have especially at this time in my life. So why didn't I stand up?