New Zealand!!

In less than two days I will leave to go on my second missions trip outside of the US. I won't be able to blog for quite a while, at least until June. I am asking for everyones prayers for the whole team's safety and our openess to the work of Christ as we are over there. Pray for me that I will do my best and be open to the Spirit as I preach my first sermon in a church ever, and it's overseas. That is so awesome and yet nerve racking too. I would appreciate that from everyone and I will fill you in on things when I get back. have a great month of May.

Lose your life

A struggle that has been on going ever since I have meet and realized I was to marry Steph, is my intense sense of defending her. I am called to missions, and not just ordinary missions. In the time that I was called within the next few days of prayer searching for where I am headed, I had an overwhelming sense that I will die on the mission field. That is great, for me I would rather die for Christ and spread his name through my blood than constantly fighting and possibly pushing people away by my words. The problem is I am to be married and she will be on the field with me. If at any time while we are in the field and someone attacks her or my future children, I would at this time in my life utterly destroy that person(s).
Is that right or Christlike? Would Christ have fought off, physically, a person that attacked his mother or friends? If I do defend my family am I slowing the work of the Lord, and am I going against the Love that I will be preaching/teaching?
I deal with that thought every day and I am now giving that up to Christ to take from me. I share this with more than a few people for the first time and am doing so to be honest and to keep Christ's work in my life and on my mind.

Guys & Sports

Competition. A wonderful and complex aspect of a man's life. Why do we feel like we have to beat a person. The fact that guys have some desire in their hearts to either have control over something or to show dominance in some way. It may be in a way of sheer strength or by completely destroying something by persistence. Either way men feel like in our hearts that it matters to others and especially our own self that we look good at everything we attempt. An example is tonight I got an awesome chance to go and play church league softball. Upon arrival with my bud Stevan I was told that I would switch from bench to field so they could see where to put me. Deep inside the male heart that I have I hear the words prove yourself to us that you can actually do anything to help us win or look better. I get psyched up in my head and get serious about warming up to show my so called dedication to this. To top it after warming up I'm told just remember "we are here to just have fun," I politely said yeah sure thing, somewhat sarcastically, knowing they want to destroy this team of fellow Christians as much as I do. It would show our male dominance and usefullness to the great sport of Church Softball.
There are deeper issues here though. It is quite possibly that I'm not that secure in who I am that I feel the need to prove myself to others, especially after just meeting them. It is sad that any man feels that and disappointing that the person we are should come from the relationship we have in Christ and be reassured through the Body of Christ(those fellow believers I desired to leave in my wake). The defects caused by the fall, we have a Hope.

The church and my mind

Recently I was required to meet with some of the wisest and God fearing people in my church district. In the midst of all this I filled out the forms by their request to give them an idea of where I was coming from and going in my life. To shorten the story I had some issues with them and the way they were requiring that I search out someone to mentor/disciple me, but during this time they are not involved in my life at all (lacking to do the things with me that they want me to do). I told them exactly that and even some other issues, like clarifying the stance on alcohol. The meeting was interesting and to top that my beautiful fiance was sitting right next to me feeling the tension.
The meeting went extremely well and I received some great advice and explanations to the things that I presented to them. This was by far the best of the meetings that I have gone to and hope it continues in this way. These people are respected highly by me and many others. Their advice sticks with me like I want it to.

Sleep, I don't know it.

Lately life has been different. I'm not required to get up and go to class or to even worry about assignments on the weekends. That is glorious. What is keeping me awake? Is it my longing to be in the safeness of my friends, those people that I cherish most (outside of with Steph), those people that I have shared my heart with, cried with, flown for 25 hours with. Maybe it is the fact that I don't like the feelings of emptiness that I have right now and I know that if I close my eyes I will see those friends that I miss laughing and carrying on with. They my friends that I would die for, the people that will always be on my mind. I may have only spent one year with these great people but in that time we have grown closer than many of us expected or maybe wanted. Some of us don't like change and would rather that we are all still in the same area to continue on with more together, I feel that.
Some things had to change, people will grow and gain other friends, but I have never felt about any group of people the way I have this past year. To let go of this bond that we have built up would be stupid and selfish. I long to see my close friends again and "butt bomb" the ever unexpecting person. I don't want to sleep for an almost eerie feeling that the memories will fade or I may start to ignore them when it is all the more healthy for me to speak of them. To use some scripture Proverbs 18:24, we are some of those friends that will stick closer than any of our relatives. Now I must try to sleep and find some comfort in the fact that my friends are feeling the way I have after this past year, and especially this week. Live on THC.

It Starts here!!!

Well, me of all people never wanted to do this, but look at me know. So much for my yes meaning yes and no meaning no. I am starting this to share thoughts and do my best to keep in touch with some of my greatest friends. In the midst of all this I am looking forward to see how my crazy mind will work and spit words/ideas out on to this site. Hope to keep up with everyone that reads this and that I don't offend too many people in the long run.