Isn't anger so weird

So recently as in last night I got into an argument with my mom, and didn't control my voice and felt I should show my anger. Yup I'm an adult now, can't ya tell. Anyway I find it so weird that I felt good holding onto that anger even though I knew that it would eat from the inside out. I really didn't care, I had reverted back to High school again. I continued to hold it in and hold it in not really caring at the moment how she felt. Then 10:45 pm rolls around and mom gets home from a trip to the relatives up north, and wakes me up in the doing. I just roll over and want to sleep but to my suprise the words how was the trip come out of my mouth, my mind says you idiot you could have been off scott free. Nope we talked and I got to hear about my relatives and all the things going on, and it eventually ended in both of us saying that we were sorry and forgiving each other.

It is still strange that I wanted so much to hold on to that anger and just let the problem possibly go away on it's own. It is that stupid sin nature thing inside me that wanted it and I fed it with every passing second of the night. I didn't like being mad because I knew it was stupid and at the same time I knew it was wrong but still liked it in a way, because it almost felt like I had the upper hand in the relationship with my mother and I. I'm telling all 5 people that probably read this that they need to not do what I did, anger isn't wrong it is wrong when we use it unwisely, or let it use us. I forgive my mom and ask her forgiveness once again because I still feel like a complete idiot for all of that. It seems to not matter all the knowledge that I have in my long 21 year life especially about this and yet I still make a complete idiot, bafoon and moron of myself. Thanks to the Holy Spirit for showing me what to work on, I wish I could have learned it in a different way.