Sorry I haven't posted forever, for those of you who care.
Lately I have felt lost, not just in school work or work at Tree of Life. This is a deeper thing right now that I can't really explain. A feeling that as I am going through each day that I am missing something about that day, or about how my life was supposed to go that day. My soul is tired from this, I don't understand what this is or what to do with it. It goes deeper than my relationship with Stephanie and other people, even deeper than how I spend my time. Through the past two week all of these things have changed and the ones that are worthless in the future have lost priority in my schedule. Yet, my life still feels Lost. I am ready for the continuation of my life the future wedding that is to take place in 32 days, and the graduation that will be following that. I don't want to be here anymore I want to be with Christ in Glory and be able to ask what ever I want of Him and at the same time not have to worry about whether i can ask that or not. I feel Lost in the midst of the church, a church of fellow believers that seem so wise and knowledgable of things that I could only wish to have a speck of that knowledge. Does all of our motions really matter? My life is lost in my education with the onslaught of knowledge and information about life and history mixed with Theology, it can only lead to a decrease in Faith/Hope, all because with that little stupid degree that I will get in five months I will have been taught to use theology to answer questions or to use the history of the church to explain God. I don't like this and this is where I am Lost, in the midst of skeptics and cynics trying to keep their Faith in Christ.
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I care. I care because I'm in the same situation at various times. It's not constant. There are days I know why I am here, I know what I am to do, and I know that there is better future if I can just get past this insanity. My situation may be a bit more messed up because it's different from day to day sometimes. Weird...I know. BUT...Phil, we are to feel odd about our future (I believe) because we have been taught so much and remember only a smidgen of that amount and we, "Pastor Theologians" are to lead God's people. We are to expalin the UNEXPLAINABLE to people...that's nuts of us to even think that we can do it. Nevertheless, we are called. We must be committed, and we will survive because of Christ's strength working through every moment of our lives whether we have a hint of doubt or the strongest sense of understanding...days of "lostness" will occur, but they will never loom if we stay in the center of God's will. Keep it up bro...you're spiffy!
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