Raya's Camo

Mom bought Raya a Camo sleeper to match Daddy's

Frist Christmas!

Raya is 4 months old on Dec 26th. I cried when I realized she was already 4 months and had her first Christmas! Phil told me that she is supposed to grow, lol. I guess he is right. We really enjoyed being with our family. It was hard to say goodbye but it was nice to get home too. The drive is really long! I love all of our family and our time was priceless!

Is the spoon rest worth it?

I was cleaning up my kitchen these last couple of times and I got to thinking...what is the purpose of the spoon rest on the stove? I have to wash it when I am done with it and if I am careful enough I do not have to wipe down the stove top. However, if I do not use the spoon rest I have to wipe down the stove top. Do you see where I am going? Either way I will have the same amount or more of cleaning. I am not completely decided, but I do think that I might be getting rid of my spoon rest.~Steph

Stuller's update

Well there has been a lot going on since our last blog. We are now in Lexington, KY enjoying our new surroundings as best as we can being away from friends and family, along with everything else that we know. It definitely helps that this is God's direction for our life, and that the weather down here has been absolutely gorgeous. We hope to continue, especially on a more frequent basis. For now here are some photos and a video so you can see how quickly our daughter is growing.

Change of Pace

I(Phil) have been having a tough past couple of weeks at the distribution center, for more then just one reason unfortunately. I have begun to learn that the leadership at Dollar General is not necessarily leadership...it is more of control through lies and half truths which in turn would inherently be a lie. It is an interesting thought to think about as I drive home every day and wonder what they think leadership should look like. If I followed their design of leadership and spoke to them as they do me or others I would be fired then and there. If I lied to get my way so that more work could get done at other people's cost, I would be fired then and there. So almost everyday I come to the thought of what true leadership looks like and how it should be implemented.

All of this comes to the forefront of my mind as I drive out through the gate and happily tell me wife I'm coming home, but the deep dark reason that it does is because I don't like to lied to, especially by another adult. For example two weeks ago I volunteered, now I know not to, to go help out another department who had people on vacation. As I volunteered I was told that it would be for one day, I'm okay with that, rather as I got done that day they informed me that I would reporting there for the next two weeks because I am going to be cross trained. After a quick discussion with that supervisor which revealed their initial lie just to get help, I was still required to do what they ask. So it baffles me that as I look at the "leadership" of this warehouse it makes me wonder how they see what they do as leadership, let alone helpful.

I am sorry that this blog has turned in to a drag and likely isn't as informative in to our life right now, but I just really wish that people would be honorable and "let their yes mean yes, and no mean no." Pray that I keep a strong Christian witness during this time of my life when it is appearing to be hardest. Thanks.

My "ME" time

I feel like I have something profound to say but it is not coming out. I have been doing a lot of thinking (which is a big deal for me, Steph) Anyway, tonight was my first time away from the house without Raya and Phil, so I was alone. It was nice. I forgot how much I like/need to have my "me" time. I love my mom time too, but there is something about clearing your head with just a simple grocery list and a shopping cart. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like I can tackle another week of taking care of Raya and Phil and maybe do some extra stuff, like cook or something. When I shop like that my mind races with all the things I want to do: things like make chicken salad, send out thank you cards, send out thinking of you cards, call my Grandma, do a scrap book for Raya and join a women's Bible study. So here I am, my mind still racing and my two Dear Loves in bed sleeping.

I just want to say I am really thankful that I know Raya was in good hands with her dad. Phil does a great job with her and I did not worry about her at all, in fact I hardly thought about them while I was gone, except to find certain items for them. It may sound terrible to say that but hey, like I said before I need my "me" time.

I'm Tired

Well today is the 14th day that I(Phil)have worked @ Dollar General as a general warehouse employee. Honestly it is hard, for many reasons, obviously because I was no longer used to a manual labor job, and they regularly require us to show up at 5am for work and then not get out until 4pm. Needless to say it is a brutal schedule and then wanting to help out the most I can with everything and Raya when I get home, but I have to get to bed by 8-9 if I want to even be able to function w/o having a whole pot of coffee in the morning, which wouldn't be conducive to the quota we are required to attain. I am tired from this schedule.

I mainly wanted to blog today about how different life is now, not necessarily with Raya at home and all because that is a given, rather the difference my personal walk with Jesus is right now. Working in an environment other than a church makes me remember even more how important my time with God is and the prayers that I am constantly saying at work. Life is different now because almost more importantly now than ever before is my personal character and life with God important because people at work are starting to realize that I don't cuss or end every sentence in F*#&, or talk about women in certain despicable ways that degrades the captivating beauty with which they were created. I find this great and while it is a lot of pressure it is also encouraging, because it not only means that God is evident in my life but there is a very specific person(s) that I am there at Dollar General.

Now I realize that if I blog and don't post a picture of Raya I will be in trouble with many people so I will give you a fun picture to look over.

My first post

Well we are parents now as you well know. I have been experiencing some new emotions that I never thought I would...those of a mother. I am a mom now. It has never been real to me until now. I gave birth to this baby and I realized that she is my daughter! I am her mother and with that comes all sorts of emotion like pure joy, insecurity in making decisions, overwhelming sense of protection and attachment, boutiful . One thing I will never forget is the when I first realized I was the only one who could calm her from crying. I was wheeled up to the nursery window after having the C-Section, mostly out of it from the drugs, and the nurse through this little bundle into my arms. Our eyes met and we just knew who we were to each other. Family said she had been crying up until this moment. It was the first she settled down. It was a moment I will never forget.

One of many...

Today has been a great day for both Raya and Steph. Yesterday the lactation consultant came in and was an amazing help and encouragement for both of us, but more importantly Stephanie. Her instructions and tips were very helpful and as of today, even the rest of yesterday, led to some very successful nursing times.

We are very thankful for all of the prayer and support that we have been getting from so many people that I would run out of space on my blog if I named them. The photographer came in today and had an opportunity to snap a few shots of our beautiful daughter. One of the many that was taken is up on the MGH website. Enjoy and we will share many more through our Facebook pages.

Phil, Steph & Raya

A new addition for the Stuller's

Well I know that I just posted this morning but I have some great news from the Stuller family. It's hard to believe that my daughter went from this.



To this in such a short amount of time!!



She is one happy healthy baby girl born on August 26th 2009 @ 6:34pm, she weighed 6lbs. 10 oz. and measured at 20 inches of pure beauty. Thanks to everyone for all the support in prayer, and kind words.

Phil, Steph & Raya Nicole

Hospital and Inducing

Well it is official that we are at the hospital here in Marion, IN as of last night at about 5:15pm. Steph had a doctors appointment yesterday late afternoon. At the appointment her blood pressure was unsafely elevated, approx. 160/100. Our doctor felt that it was safer due to Steph already being term to just induce labor, rather than risk Pre-Eclampsia. So...

After getting her to the hospital we were taken to a labor and delivery room, and informed of the procedures that were going to take place in the next few hours. Around 7:30pm or so Cervidil was given to Steph to help move along the process and soften her cervix. This was left on for the whole evening until about 5am.

Finally this morning Steph was put on Petocin to encourage her contractions to be more regular and healthy. This is good and bad, on one hand we are getting closer to meeting our little girl, but Steph's contractions are starting to hurt and be more regular. As you can tell by my horrible grammar this morning and sentence/paragraph structure I am tired as well. I got here right after 10 hours of work and only got about 4-5 hours of sleep, not good sleep by any means, because of the nurses coming in and out as needed, oh well though I have some great friends that blessed me with 2 4packs of double shots. Well nurse is in, got to go, keep us in your prayers.

Phil

Long time...restart...again

Well today, after I started my new job this week at the Dollar General Distribution Center here in Marion, was my first Saturday off. The DC runs at 6 days a week because of the increase of customers shopping and discount stores due to the recession. So after getting 10 hours of sleep, we went for a walk and then decided to go get some Starbucks and go to the park in Marion. The weather today was amazing for this, with it feeling like the first day of fall. It called for my first Peppermint Mocha since February, easily.

At the Park we decided to walk around, taking some breaks because of Stephanie having contractions, obviously she's not in labor, but no baby yet, at least not outside of her. During our visit to the park I noticed some very out of place cement slabs that had been poured all over the park, and I couldn't figure out what their purpose was at those spots. A few minutes later I was reminiscing and talking about how Mater Park would be an amazing park for a Disc Golf course. Low and behold 3-5 minutes after that statement Stephanie pointed to something that looked odd to her.

A Disc Golf Basket!!!

I was so excited about this especially because I and my friends from college used to go at least 3 times a week while we were supposed to be in RA training and all that important stuff we were "required" to be at. A couple times our RD even went...probably shouldn't share that...oh well. But nonetheless I was extremely excited for something like this to be in Marion, IN. I will definitely be putting this to good use, and was glad to see many people already doing so, what a surprise.

On a side note while we were there and while Steph was resting I decided to take a quick picture of her for the fun of it, and boy is she gorgeous.

5 days from the due date!

I and Stephanie hope to be more regular with this Blog especially since we are going through so much excitement and so many changes. Keep us in your prayers.

$450 BILLION

So I realize that it has been forever since I have posted anything my bad...oh well it is just a blog. Last night I preached a message about Christian Consumerism, that was especially focused at our spending habits and trends around the Christmas season. It was interesting and fun to talk about, more fun for me and interesting because some of the reactions on peoples faces when I would read statistics were priceless, jaw dropping kind of reactions. Here are some of those stats, most of which I borrowed from Rob Bell's new book Jesus Wants to Save Christians.

America controls nearly 20% of the worlds wealth, while only comprising 5% of the worlds population.

One billion people in the world lack access to clean water while Americans use 400-600 liters (105-157gallons) of water per day.

Every seven seconds, somewhere in the world a child under the age of five dies of hunger, meanwhile Americans throw away 14% of the food that we purchase.

40% of the people in the world lack basic sanitation while Americans dispose of 49 million diapers a day.

One in seven children (about 158 million) has to go to work each day to survive.

Americans spend more annually on trash bags than half of the world does on all goods.

A stat from Advent Conspiracy.

Americans spend $450 billion on Christmas.

Some more stats that I shared last night to show what $450 billion could accomplish.

Population of Earth Approx. 6 Billion

The majority of the world lives on $2/day

Approx. $60/month

If the every human made $2/day in a month that would be $360 billion.

THAT IS STILL LESS THAN WHAT AMERICANS SPENDS ON CHRISTMAS

$450 Billion would do what

It could...

Repair nearly 3.5 billion wells in the world @ $130/well

Drill over 128million wells subsequently providing clean water for 89 billion people year round.

Sponsor 1.25 billion children for a year

Sponsor 45 billion malnourished children in a feeding clinic for 3 months

Provide a cow for 900 million families, who then pass the offspring to another family

This year Steph and I decided to spend less on gifts and give our money where it could actually be used. So somewhere in the world, for $130, a well is going to be repaired providing a community with clean water, lowering the risk of disease and death because they have clean water. Interested? Check out World Hope International, Samaritans Purse, The Heifer Project, or you could go to your local shelter or mission and give them money to help them at one of their busiest times. As Americans and more importantly as Christ Followers we need to realize the futility of the gifts that we give and their uselessness and what that money could have been used for instead.

Resignation Letter

I read this letter to the church congregation this morning @ 10:15...it wasn't easy.

Dear Church Family,

Over the past two and a half years here at Brookhaven Wesleyan Church we have struggled together, we have grown together, we have triumphed together, and we have worshiped together. In this time Stephanie and I have been more than welcomed by you, looking back it was something that she and I never expected being a new couple in ministry. Stephanie and I have cried with you and mourned the losses of loved ones, just as you have so recently with us.

We entered into this position 2 years ago with a great calling on our hearts to serve here, but also a calling for missions overseas. This is a calling that cannot be tossed to the wayside in our life. You have heard me speak on the importance of listening to the voice of God in our life and this is where His voice is calling. Our time here has been one of great love, and there are relationships that we formed here with this church family that we will never forget.

At this point He is calling me back to school to better equip me for the future ministry that he has intended for Stephanie and me. We will be moving to Deerfield, IL where Trinity Evangelical Divinity School is located, while there I will begin studying for my Master of Divinity and upon completion of that, move onto Doctoral studies. This is an emotional time for us, as we have never resigned from a church let alone moved to a completely new state where we know no one.

In light of this my ministry here will not end until the time I turn in my keys and we say our final goodbyes. Our goal for moving is tentatively set between April and July, all because we will have to sell our home and we do not know how soon it will sell. This is of course something that must be surrendered in prayer to God. We ask that as we make this transition and change in our life that you would join with us in prayer for a few issues. We would ask that you would pray for the selling of our house to go smoothly and quickly, pray also for the packing and moving process, pray also for job opportunities for Stephanie as we move to a new area, but most importantly pray that the Holy Spirit would be our guide and our leader in this endeavor, and that we would always heed his voice and not treat it as every other voice that we hear, but as sacred.

In Him,

Phil & Stephanie Stuller

Politics

Recently things have been more annoying to me than anything ever before when it comes to politics. I don't exactly know what it is that makes this campaign drudgery seem worse than all the years before...maybe it is because I am more mature and have stronger beliefs than previous years, I don't know.

One thing I do know is that the most annoying thing of this election year is the way that the convictions of both candidates are being portrayed as wrong. I call them convictions because that is where our beliefs stem from in this world. I am so annoyed/outraged by the way that we go around and talk about our convictions like they are Gospel and everyone must follow the exact same path. Since when are the convictions of one person the convictions of a whole community, I wish I knew, because last I checked people didn't call Mother Teresa wrong for wanting to help the dying, orphaned and diseased in India because she didn't want to fight a war but rather live out an example of love and peace. At the same time nobody called Gen. Douglas Macarthur wrong when he promised to return and save the lives of the people in the Philippines because he would rather protect and provide safety he thought everyone deserved. We today aren't just calling another person’s conviction wrong; we paint them out to be the devil, how very interesting.

I recently read an article in Relevant Magazine that everyone should read. It is the article advertised on the front cover, called How to Vote without Losing Your Soul. To sum it up, but even though I do this you need to read it, the article talks with two Christian leaders of today and it is interesting that both of them come to the conclusion that we should vote for our convictions that God has placed on our heart. I'll leave it at that, for that is what I will do this year.

Ever want to own an island?

Well here is your chance there apparently are hundreds of islands across the world trying to be sold. Johnny Depp bought his own island in the Caribbean (apparently fell in love with the area), and now he is turning it into every environmentalists dream. Take a gander, just make sure to buy me one.

Who said they were extinct

I just saw this video after following a link from RelevantMagazine.com, it is pretty amazing. The video was taken at the LA Museum of Natural History. You just have to watch this. Crazy museum curators.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

I don't know how many of you have ever heard of this movie, but I once watched the old black and white version with my dad when we lived in Kansas. He had the summer off from his other job and once and a while we would go to the library and get a movie and The Day the Earth Stood Still happened to be one of those movies. It was confusing and yet at the same time intriguing to me, and this summer is actually what likely started me loving movies, because I watched a lot with my dad.

Well now they are in the finishing stages of a remake of this classic movie, thankfully not in B&W. I literally just watched this Trailer. It looks like it is shaping up to be a great movie.

Life and Death

Life is a very interesting "creature" when you sit back and think about the way God put this system in to place and in motion. Whenever I watch channels like Animal Planet or Discovery, I always get a good chuckle and find myself wondering why God named things the way he did. For example the Aardvark. First of all look at the animal, if you don't think that animal looks a little funny and a little weird all at the same time. If you don't think any of that don't worry about it I'm probably the weird one here (no comment needed).

Then look at humans and our lives, and our existence for that matter. I find it very peculiar the way our bodies are created and our continuing growth. At this point in her life my niece is having problems with her ankle bones and the way they are forming. Interestingly enough the doctors were able to take care of the problem by putting a cast on her leg that forces her ankle to be shaped a certain way. How crazy is that? God in his foresight knew that bones could be fixed at their early stages of development because they are still soft and somewhat pliable.

Something I have thought of before, but has recently been coming up even more in my thoughts. The way we die is very interesting. I wonder why our bodies must stop working the way they do. I have been the on-call chaplain at the hospital here in Marion multiple times, seeing a person die and leave this life. Why couldn't our death just be like Enoch's or Elisha's. I wonder what our deaths would have looked like without sin in the world. In all reality death, while painful, is a beautiful aspect of our existence in this life. No pain, no suffering, no sorrow in the arms of Christ. So why do we die the way we do?...

Onward

Today is officially my first day back in the office after Steph's miscarriage. I don't really know what exactly to do here, granted today is a Food Pantry pick-up day so I just have to wait on people to come in and I get to hand out food. This is obvious but I am definitely getting back up to speed quicker than Steph is, this is not to say I don't care, it is just that I'm a guy and I didn't have to carry our child inside of me for 11 weeks only to bleed him/her all out in the bathroom.

Sometimes I wonder if my life being shaped so significantly by my dad's death when I was 14 was a hindrance more than a help for me and those around me. I not only have a bit of a callous over my heart because I have seen death firsthand and continue to see it as volunteer chaplain at MGH, but deep down inside of me things like this don't hurt like they used to 10 years ago. This being my child that has died, I am in a completely different situation than ever before in my life. There was nothing I could fix, nothing I could figure out what went wrong, nothing I could do to change any of this.

John Eldredge wrote a book called Waking the Dead, I haven't actually read all of this book yet, but desire too soon. I receive on a daily basis emails from Eldredge's Ransomed Heart Ministry, and one of the quoted this book and here is what I read.

The mind takes in and processes information. But it remains, for the most part, indifferent. It is your mind that tells you it is now 2:00 A.M. and your daughter has not returned, for the car is not in the driveway. Your heart wrestles with whether or not this is cause for worry. The heart lives in the far more bloody and magnificent realities of living and dying and loving and hating. That’s why those who live from their minds are detached from life. Things don’t seem to touch them very much; they puzzle at the way others are so affected by life, and they conclude others are emotional and unstable. Meanwhile, those who live from the heart find those who live from the mind . . . unavailable. Yes, they are physically present. So is your computer. This is the sorrow of many marriages, and the number one disappointment of children who feel entirely missed or misunderstood by their parents.

Yes, the heart is the source of our emotions. But we have equated the heart with emotion, and put it away for a messy and even dangerous guide. No doubt, many people have made a wreck of their lives by following an emotion without stopping to consider whether it was a good idea to do so. Neither adultery nor murder is a rational act. But equating the heart with emotion is the same nonsense as saying that love is a feeling. Surely, we know that love is more than feeling loving; for if Christ had followed his emotions, he would not have gone to the cross for us. Like any man would have been, he was afraid; in fact, he knew that the sins of the world would be laid upon him, and so he had even greater cause for hesitation (Mark 14:32–35). But in the hour of his greatest trial, his love overcame his fear of what loving would cost him.

Emotions are the voice of the heart, to borrow Chip Dodd’s phrase. Not the heart, but its voice.

Waking the Dead , 41-42)